Welcome back, grasshoppers. Today I’m going to tell you about law school orientation. Specifically, I’m going to tell you some of the things we were told at orientation and whether or not we were given good advice. I’m assuming that our orientation wasn’t too terribly different from most orientations as far as the topics covered and the nuggets of wisdom shared. Of course, you know what happens when I assume: you make an ass of yourself.

So I’ve actually given this a fair amount of thought, and I simply cannot come up with a satisfactory explanation for what I’m about to say. When you read it, you’ll think oh please, why the hell would they do that? And I’m here to tell ya, dude, I just don’t know. The only reasons I can ever come up with are so cynical that I don’t even want to repeat them here for fear that you all will think I have a black heart and an empty place where my soul is supposed to go.

But enough about me and my disgusting lack of empathy. Here’s the deal. For whatever reason, not all of the advice you’ll be given at orientation is good advice.

:::collective gasp:::

Right?! I don’t understand why, either, but I’m here to tell you it’s the god’s honest truth. So here goes, tidbit by tidbit.

In law school, a C is a good grade. This is actually true. Well, sortof. At my school, the curve for 1Ls is a C+, which I understand is lower than the curve at a lot of other schools. I can’t get into a detailed discussion about how the curve works (mostly because I don’t have a super firm grip on it myself), but basically that means that a C+ is about average. The main thing to remember about the curve is that you are always graded relative to your section mates. For example, let’s say there’s a quiz in one of your classes. You get yours back, graded, and your numerical grade is a 92. You think, yay! I got an A! But if the range of grades in your section is 91 to 100, and you got a 92, I promise you don’t have an A. You have more like a D, at best. Anyway. All that is to say, a C is in most instances going to be below the curve. But hear this, and hear it loud and clear: after you get through your first set of exams, I can almost guarantee you that you’ll be praying on your knees for a C in at least one class in which the professor handed you questions written in Cyrillic with words you’ve never seen before in your life. It could happen, people. So, is a C a “good” grade? I mean, technically, I don’t think I could call a C a “good” grade. But have I promised the soul of my second-born child to the devil in exchange for a C in Property after taking that exam and wanting to vomit up all my guts? You betchya I did. And will a transcript full of C’s get you the exact same diploma as somebody with a transcript full of A’s? You betchya. So embrace the C. Cuddle with the C. Send the C some flowers and a box of chocolates. A C can be your friend.

Also related is the constant repetition of this message: You are used to being one of the smartest people in your undergrad classes. You may have never gotten anything below an A before in your whole entire life. You probably graduated in the top 10% of your class. Well, get ready, because 90% of you aren’t going to be in the top 10% of your class here. It’s not mathematically possible!

I’m not kidding, you guys. They said that over and over and over and over again. And guess what? That part’s true. I checked it on my calculator. Prepare yourself now to make grades that you would never in your life have accepted until now. And you’ll be so damn happy with those grades you’ll jump around your whole house for ten solid minutes screaming “I GOT A B!! I GOT A FREAKIN’ B!!! HEAR ME RAWR!!!”

Ahem. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard.

Briefing cases is essential to succeed in law school; nay, briefing cases is essential for life! Okay, again, this is only partially true. For the first few weeks or maybe months of law school, you definitely should brief your cases. This is something they’ll teach you how to do in orientation, most likely, or you can learn  how to do it in one of those 5648 law school prep books on your to-read list. There are a lot of different ways to do it, and ultimately you’ll come up with your own method that works best for you. At first, it will take you FOREVER to read and then brief one case. But the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it, and then you’ll realize that you can spot the issue, the holding, and the reasoning in the case pretty easily without having to type up a formal brief. At that point, grasshopper, you will find that your schedule opens up quite a bit because you’re not spending so much time preparing for class. Now, the orientation people will tell you that it’s essential that you brief cases. You may leave orientation thinking that if you don’t fully brief every case in every class, you’ll never ever ever be able to get that coveted C on any of your exams. YOU’RE DOOOOOMED. I’m here to tell you, this is simply not the case.

You need to learn how to brief a case, that’s true. But the reason you need to learn how to brief a case is not so you can have this giant collection of case briefs at the end of the semester. Because guess what? In most classes, the cases you read will not be tested. Yes, you read that correctly. This is a subject I’m going to address further in another post, but for now it’s enough to say that in most classes (at least this was my experience, both 1L semesters) you could actually get a good grade (and by good I don’t mean a C) on an exam without having read one single case for the whole semester. (In fact, in a future post, I’m going to argue that this obsession with briefing cases is actually detrimental, come exam time.) (I’m also going to try to cut down on my use of parentheses.) (Okay not really.) This is because law school is not a memorization game, for the most part, or at least not like you might think. It’s all about the application. Each case is in your casebook to demonstrate a way in which the law was applied and/or developed. All you really need to know is what the legal concept is that you were supposed to have gleaned from each case. Then, on an exam, your professor will literally make up a long and detailed story (called a fact pattern) and your task is to figure out which legal issues are raised in the fact pattern and then apply the law to those facts.

Okay, so again: Yes, you need to learn how to brief a case. Once you figure out how to get the proper things out of a case, formal briefing simply is not necessary in order to get a good grade. Will it hurt you to brief every case? Of course not. I have several friends who still brief every case, and there’s nothing in the world wrong with that. If it works for you, by all means, do that shit and tell everybody else to go jump in the lake. But it’s simply not as important as they wanted us to think it would be in orientation.

Your allotted study time each week should equal three to four times the amount of time spent in class. Okay, you guys. I’m not even kidding. This is what they told us. So for a four-hour class, you should schedule an additional 12 to 16 hours a week of study time. Just for that one effing class. You’ll be taking around 15 hours a semester. By that logic, you’d spend 45 to 60 ADDITIONAL hours a WEEK studying.

I’ll let you have a moment for that to sink in.

Yes. That was my reaction, too. I mean, you guys. YOU GUYS. Gimme a fucking break here. In no universe, real or imagined, is this necessary or even recommended by anyone except those orientation people. That’s not to say that there’s not enough material to support that much studying; there might be. But my god. They can’t possibly test you over that much detail. They don’t want to grade that much material. They have deadlines for turning in grades. Use your brains, people! If you studied for that many hours per week, every week, I guess you’d end up… well, in the crazy house, I guess. This is just THE most outrageous thing we were told in all of orientation. The key to success in law school is doing well on exams. The way to do well on exams is to study smart. Again, this is material for a future post, but studying smart does NOT–not in any universe, real or imagined–entail any 60 hours a week, at least not on a regular basis. At exam time, you may put in that many hours. But you certainly don’t need to worry about doing that all through the semester. For the first 2 or 3 months of your first semester, you’re not going to know what the hell is going on enough to study any 60 hours a week. You’ll just confuse yourself, waste a ton of precious time, and burn out way too early. Trust me on this, grasshoppers. Just remember the dirty little secret.

Oh, didn’t I tell you the dirty little secret yet?

Okay, here it is, in all its glory: Law school just isn’t as hard as a lot of law students and books and orientation people make it sound. It’s different. It’s challenging. And it’s harder than undergrad, unless you had a really difficult major, unlike my political science/history vacation… I mean degree. But it’s not as hard as they say. Just remember this, and you’ll be okay.

You’re welcome.

But first things first. I’m gonna give you this free advice, and most likely you’re not going to follow it, at least not at first. It’s okay. This is pretty normal. What would be great, though, is if at the end of your 1L year, one year from now, you could come back to this blog and comment and tell me how you thought I was totally full of shit a year ago, but it turns out I was right after all. Now that would make me really happy. Or, if after a full year of law school you still think I’m full of shit, you can come back and post that, too. But if you do that, be sure to use that special white font that shows up really well against the background so evvvvverybody can read it.

Also, a disclaimer is probably in order here: I’m not like the best, most successful law student ever. Not even close. I’m not claiming that I made the best grades in my section or in my class. Again, not even close. I didn’t have some grand strategy going in that I’m going to impart here. I only read part of one preparatory book before school started. But somehow–mostly luck, I think–I did make decent grades in my first year, and I’ll tell you the things I think I did right and the things I would do differently if I could go back. Not that I would want to go back. Good lord, no.

I’m going to do a series of these posts because I have too much to say to fit into one. So today’s post, grasshoppers, is actually more of a confidence-building exercise than anything else. You’re feeling apprehensive and nervous about starting law school in the fall, and today I’m going to try to make you feel a little less antsy. Which is a weird role for me, now that I think about it. But anyway. Don’t expect this trend to continue for very long.

So. I know how it is. For the next couple of months, you really want to read all sorts of books to prepare for law school. You may have already started reading some of them. You may have filled up your to-read list with twenty different law school prep books. You need to know the answers to burning questions like these: how do you brief a case? should I type up the briefs or book brief? what the hell is book briefing, anyway? what is the Socratic method? how does the curve work? what should I expect to see on exams? why does everybody say that law school is just like high school???

Here’s the deal. You can read all the preparatory books and blog posts that are out there–and there are a ton of them–and you still won’t be prepared for law school. Law school is such a unique experience, and reading about it just won’t cut the mustard. You have to just get in there and figure out how it works as you go. Now, will it hurt you to read all 54,786 books on how to prepare for law school? Probably not. But will you still be just as lost as everybody else is for the first six or eight or ten weeks or even longer? You’d better believe it.

The thing is, it’s okay to be lost for a while. It’s normal. In fact, it’s unavoidable. Everybody is lost for a while. I don’t care who it is or how much they appear not to be lost–they are L-O-S-T LOST. Trust me when I say this, grasshopper. There will be people about whom you think oh my god, he knows all the answers when he gets called on in class; he’s probably going to be number 1 when rankings come out. Or, there will be some person who sits somewhere in front of you, and on his computer during class he has all these really neat-looking charts and tables and graphs and colorful study aids with stick figures and thought bubbles, along with a rainbow of highlighters out on the desk for every class (I’m not making this up, you guys) and you’ll think oh my god, this guy is gonna clean house on exams and ruin the curve for all the rest of us. Or, there will be some girl who ends up dating an upperclassman and who talks constantly about getting outlines and exam-taking tips from her beau and his friends, and you’ll think oh my god, this chick has hit the relationship lottery and I’m just out of luck. Or, there will be some girl who literally sits in the lawbrary with her books open for 15 hours a day, not counting class time, and you’ll think oh my god, this girl is so devoted to studying, she must have no social life, and she’s gonna kick ass on exams. And people will whisper about who’s really smart and who’s not, and people will assume that their study techniques and materials are so horribly inferior that they’re destined for failure.

And then you’ll take exams and grades will come out. And guess what? Not one of those people even lands in the top quarter of your class. Okay, maybe the chick who lived in the lawbrary does, but not one of the others does. You know why? Of course you don’t, grasshopper, but I’m going to tell you. It’s because on an exam, the following things don’t amount to a hill of beans: whether you were a Socratic method ace or you got humiliated by the professor in class; whether you had the most up-to-date technology for studying with flashy graphics or the best highlighters in all the universe; whether you had a boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend who had that particular professor before and gave you ten outlines for that class (although that can help, but that’s for another post); or whether you spent 15,647 hours in the lawbrary. The ONLY thing that matters at exam time is whether you can properly apply the law to the facts that your professor has plopped in front of you, and whether you can do so within time constraints and in a coherent, logical way that demonstrates your literacy mastery of the English language. That’s it. The rest is completely, totally, wholly irrelevant.

The point I’m trying to make here is that you can’t possibly adequately prepare for law school before law school starts. It’s just not possible. I don’t care what anybody says, or what any book claims–everybody goes in to law school confused as hell, and a lot of people stay that way for the better part of their first year. If you’re serious about doing well in law school, just accept the fact that you’re going to be lost and confused, and instead spend at least part of your summer honing your writing skills. If you had someone look over your personal statement and you got it back with more than two corrections, I’m talking to you. Learn how to use punctuation properly. Learn the difference between your and you’re; their, there, and they’re; it’s and its. Learn how to freaking SPELL, for god’s sake. If you find yourself using text language a lot (wat r u doing, ok cya l8ter, dont b a h8ter), break that habit NOW. When your professor is trying to decide who gets the A and who gets the B on exams that are equally well reasoned, the winner will always be the better writer.

Next time, I will shed some light on things you’ll be told at orientation, some of which is good advice, most of which is bogus crap. Stay tuned!

It’s like this. The 1L fall semester can be pretty terrifying and overwhelming and exciting and inspiring and lots of other things–did I mention overwhelming?–all at once. You don’t really know what to expect as far as how to study, what to study, when to study, what will be tested, and so forth. You may get involved in student organizations, you learn how to do legal research and writing, you have happy hours, and everything is just new and shiny. The whole semester kind of just whizzes by in a blur of panic and adrenaline. Then you have exams. After grades come out, you get to see whether your study techniques were on target or not. Then you open Christmas presents or celebrate the winter holiday however you do, and all is right with the world. Yay law school.

In contrast, at least for me, the spring semester was, well, just the opposite. With the spring semester came this weird sickness that will henceforth be named Apathy of Spring Semester (ASS). Whereas the fall semester was just 16 weeks long, the spring semester was more like 457 weeks long, give or take a couple. I started out enjoying my classes, and then I just lost interest somewhere around the 32nd week of the semester. For one thing, having an 8:00 class (Property) four days a week is just simply not conducive to learning. I felt like a zombie every single day in there. The professor was engaging and easy to listen to, so it wasn’t his fault at all. For me, it’s just physiologically impossible to drink enough coffee to be fully awake for Property at 8 a.m. Four. Days. A. Week. So there’s that.

But it wasn’t just me. Most of my classmates seemed to be having the same problem with ASS syndrome. In Legal Practice (the research and writing class), we had a pretrial brief as our first assignment, and I don’t think anybody even started working on the draft more than a couple of days before it was due. Definitely not my best effort. And then there was Moot Court. Lots of people participated and lots of them us didn’t prepare as well as they we could’ve because of this horrible affliction with ASS syndrome. We also had a Mock Trial competition but I didn’t even attempt to participate in it. The last major hurdle before exams was the appellate brief, but thankfully by that time I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I did put a decent amount of effort into writing that.

As it turns out, the only known cure for ASS syndrome is removing the afflicted person from the source of the infection, which, of course, is law school itself. So a steady diet of sleeping late, watching TV (Netflix instant watch is my BFF for life), reading fiction, and eating ice cream is just what the doctor ordered, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I know, I know. It’s a hard life.

All of this is to say that really you should be glad I didn’t post at all during last semester because I have a feeling those posts would’ve all been whiny emo whiner posts and nobody wants to read that kind of crap all the time. So really I was doing you guys a favor. Yes, that’s it. You’re welcome.

EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: So, how’s law school?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you like it, though?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Well, how were finals? Do you think you did well?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: When will you get your grades back?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you know what kind of law you want to practice?
ME: Whichever kind somebody will pay me to do, I suppose.

Okay, so maybe it’s a little unfair to label this as a pet peeve. It’s not every person in the world’s fault that I’ve grown weary of answering (or not answering, to be more accurate) these questions. The thing is, there’s really no way to properly answer them. Either you lie…

EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: So, how’s law school?
LIAR ME: It’s fantastic! I love it so much I get up every morning at 5:30 just bursting with pride and joy. I even sleep with my casebooks!
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you like it, though?
LIAR ME: See above. Also, if I could just win the lottery, I’d choose to be a law student fo-evah.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Well, how were finals? Do you think you did well?
LIAR ME: Oh, finals were so much fun! Like seriously, I studied all throughout the semester and I took copious, relevant notes during classtime, plus I developed the most kickass outlines of all time. So, yes, I think I did really well. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna ace this thing. It was so awesome to get to put all my good knowledge to work!
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: When will you get your grades back?
LIAR ME: Well, actually, my professors have already graded all my exams and emailed the results to me privately. But shhh! I’m not supposed to tell anybody because everyone else is waiting impatiently for their grades. I got all A++++++’s!
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you know what kind of law you want to practice?
LIAR ME: Oh, definitely. I mean, I’m not really in it for the money. I just want to help people. That’s what it’s all about. So probably I’ll just concentrate on pro bono work for the homeless midget population.

… or you sound like a whiny emo whiner.

EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: So, how’s law school?
WHINY EMO ME: Oh. My. Gawd. It’s so so horrible. I hate its guts. Every morning I wake up and I wish I had the swine flu so I didn’t have to go to class. I can’t even find my casebooks.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you like it, though?
WHINY EMO ME: Are you kidding me? Let me try to think of something remotely similar in terms of brutal torture and sheer horror… Well, I got nothin. It takes too much energy and law school has consumed all my energy.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Well, how were finals? Do you think you did well?
WHINY EMO ME: Well? By “well” do you mean something better than the lowest grade in the class? Because I think *maybe* there’s one person who could’ve scored lower than I did, and that’s because he just didn’t show up for exams at all. Exams were horrible. Four hours in a cold room with a computer screen and an empty brain. I bombed. I’m flunking out of law school.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: When will you get your grades back?
WHINY EMO ME: Never, I hope. I’ve heard they send grades out in descending order, so every day that goes by without grades is just another nail in my job-finding coffin. *deep sigh*
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you know what kind of law you want to practice?
WHINY EMO ME: I’m not even so sure I want to practice law. Assuming that I flunk out of law school this semester, I’m just gonna find some menial job in some boring cubicle somewhere and shuffle papers. Or perhaps a career in retail sales at the mall.

You see, neither of those approaches is really a winner. So I just stick with the standard, “Um, I don’t know.” Eventually they stop asking questions. Anyway, it’s kinda pointless to try to talk about law school with people who have never been to/aren’t currently in law school. It’s just impossible to understand.

So, people-of-the-world-who-aren’t-in-law-school-currently-and-have-never-been, a word of friendly advice: If you start asking your local law student friend/relative/acquaintance questions about law school and you start getting a lot of this look…

… save your local law student the trouble of having to try to figure out the appropriate answers to those questions. I have all the answers right here. And my fellow law students, feel free to refer your friendly inquiring relatives/friends/acquaintances here for the answers they seek. They mean well, so don’t be rude.

• Law school is law school. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it sucks. It’s just varying degrees of suckage. I don’t know that it’s ever particularly pleasant, except on those days when certain people get what’s coming to them. Those days are satisfying.
• Obviously I like law school to some degree; I haven’t dropped out yet. If I hated its guts for real, I wouldn’t waste my time. “Like” is probably not the best choice of words, but I’ll say this: It’s definitely challenging, and I like challenges. Sometimes it’s interesting and sometimes it’s not, but overall the experience has been more positive than negative.
• Exams are hard. Some are harder than others, but they’re all hard. I have no idea how I did. And really, how well I think I may have done on the exams is completely irrelevant. It’s all up to the professor and the other students in my section. So, no, I have no clue, and in fact I’d kinda like to maintain my blockade of those thoughts.
• Grades will come out sometime within the next several weeks. I don’t know when that will be. I refuse to sit at my laptop hitting the F12 button every few minutes in anticipation, although the urge to do that is sometimes very strong. Please, please don’t remind me that I haven’t checked for grades in a few hours.
• Honestly, I don’t have any idea what kind of law I want to practice. After one whole semester in law school, I can say with full confidence that I don’t want to draft contracts for a living. Although I will do just that, if it’s the best job I can find.

Now can we go ahead and eat dinner?

Okay, okay, I cannot tell a lie. The truth is, I bought Parasailin’s new book, Glowing Rouge, and I just couldn’t put it down. Such wordsmithery! Such esoteric writing! Such depth of knowledge! Such… such…

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Just kidding, you guys. I’ve just had a severe case of the lethargies.

Today I’m not going to complain about how horrible law school is because really it’s not so bad right now. Over the last couple of weeks we’ve had a lot of canceled classes (Contracts for almost a whole week, Legal Practice for almost two whole weeks because of individual writing conferences, Torts for one day) so my life hasn’t been as hectic as probably most other law students’ lives have been.

Ninja Kid did have a birthday and Ninja Pops (that’s my dad) was in town for that weekend, so that was fun. I can’t believe my little tiny baby ninja will be a teen-ninja next year. Zoinks!

Anyway, I think that late last night I may have found something that resembles my motivation. I did start my CivPro and Contracts outlines. I haven’t started one for Torts and I’m thinking that I may not do one at all. We can’t take anything in the exam so I’m thinking that just doing a bunch of hypos in the E&E and reviewing notes might be sufficient. Also, I bought the Acing Torts and Acing Civil Procedure books. I can tell I’m going to like them because they’re done with more of a list concept, which appeals to me on all sorts of OCD levels.

Aaaaaand, what I’m most excited about is that I may — MAY — have a lead on a paying summer job with a local family law attorney here. But ssshhhhhh — at this point it’s all very, very preliminary.

So, just wanted to touch base with you guys and let you know I’m not dead and I haven’t dropped out of law school yet. I promise to do better with posting. Guess I just needed a little coma time.

So we have about five weeks until exams. Five weeks! That’s 18 classes. Almost time for this:

We started some study group work on Saturday morning and I think it was helpful. We just worked on Torts and we went through some of the hypos in the E&E and answered them as a group. I haven’t really started doing any outlines yet and I guess it’s time to get that underway. I think I said that a couple of weeks ago here, and somehow I’m not any farther along now than I was then. I blame the open memo from hell.

How much fun is this PicApp thingy? Oodles, that’s how much.

Okay. So I’m realizing that there are some things I don’t know (shocking!). For example, will the world come to an end in December of 2012, absolving me once and for all of my law school debt? Hey, I strive to look for the silver lining. Half full, baby.

Ha ha ha.

No, really. I do have some questions.

1.  How can you tell the difference between dicta and reasoning in an opinion, and is this really important? It all seems like reasoning to me, like the judge is just building a case and then making a decision. I didn’t think this was a huge deal until I watched the 2L/3L Moot Court final round and there was all this debate about the nature of a judge’s comments in a previous case. The justices were arguing that it was persuasive precedent, but the appellants were arguing that those comments were just dicta. I mean, I know what dicta is, as far as the definition, but to me it just blends in with the reasoning. Discuss.

2.  The tutors keep telling us to mark up our FRCP book and our UCC/Contracts Restatement book, since those are the only things we can take into the final. (For Torts all we can take is a pencil or a computer, no books at all.) What does this mean? What am I supposed to be writing in said books? I mean besides copying my outline onto the blank pages at the back.

3.  Is it normal that I’m still completely lost in Contracts? He lost me right after promissory estoppel and we’ve never gotten back on the same wavelength. Will I have a eureka moment for this class like I did for CivPro? Surely I will, right? Shirley. Anytime now, I’m ready.

Also, I’m going to start Getting to Maybe this week in my spare time. Haaa. After exams, I’ll do a book review. Don’t let me forget.

Any other general advice for exam preparation?

So one of the deals is that if you choose to type the exam, you’re on a word limit. Or, you can write on the lined paper he provides and you’re limited to that space. He prefers the written exam so I’m sure that’s what most people will do. The point is that he doesn’t want to grade a bunch of BS. He just wants to know if you know something about Contracts. Me likey.

Anyway, today he spent a long time talking about how to look for cues in the question. For example, if the question says that a contract has already been formed, you don’t need to discuss offer, acceptance, and consideration. Makes sense, right?

Then, in a classic Prof. K moment, he turns to the chalkboard, says, “You all are familiar with IRAC, right?” and writes:

Issue
Rule
Analysis
Qonclusion

“Whatever you do, do not go to IRAQ in your answer. I do not want to see that in your answer. If you do, you will find yourself caught in a bloody morass that you’ll have a heck of a time getting out of.”

I.
HAVE.
DISCOVERED.
COFFEE.

That is all.

No, that’s not Ninja Kid. I have no idea who this poor little girl is BUT GOOD GOD LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT RABBIT!

Anyway.

I forgot previously to write about the Negotiations competition. The competition was actually two weeks ago. So I partnered with another girl in my section and we signed up for the Negotiations competition. Nobody really knew what was going on or what to expect, so we were all on a pretty level playing field. There were 74 teams competing overall and three preliminary rounds to be held before any scores were tallied. Once we got our problems, my partner and I got together and worked out where our firm limits were, areas where we had some wiggle room, and our initial offers.

So maybe we weren’t the best negotiators evah. Okay, maybe we weren’t even in the top 16 best negotiators evah. Or even in the top 16 best negotiators in the 1L class at Ninja School of Law.  But still, I’m glad I participated. Obviously it was a great learning experience. Like I said, I certainly had very little understanding of how the process would work, and after going through it three times I think I’d be much more comfortable with it in the future. It was tons of fun to play lawyer for a little while and represent a client’s interests. I was surprised at how un-nervous I was before our first round, and by the time our third round came along I was downright relaxed.

For the preliminary rounds we were judged by 3L students. The judging was pretty inconsistent. One judge would tell us not to do a certain thing, and the next judge would count off for not having done that same certain thing. For example, we were on a 40-minute time limit as far as the actual negotiations at the table. In each of our first two rounds, we finished early and each judge told us it was no big deal. For our third round, however, we finished early and got chastised for it. I happen to know one team got criticized for sitting next to each other rather than across from each other during self-analysis with the judge.

I heard quite a few of my classmates complaining about this and I must admit I did my fair share of griping, too. It’s frustrating not to know what is expected of you and then to get corrected on it.

And then, whilst in the midst of a deep conversation with my good friend Billy, I had a minor epiphany.

I mean, this is how it’s gonna be. In real life. Doing the lawyering thing. There are going to be times — in fact, probably lots of them, especially as newbie lawyers — when we aren’t sure exactly what’s expected of us, or exactly where certain lines are drawn, and yet we will still be expected to perform to the best of our abilities.

Actually, all of law school is kindof like this. For example, Prof. CivPro hates it when someone uses the words “clearly” or “obviously” because, her thinking goes, things are rarely clear or obvious. The first time a student used one or both of those words in CivPro, he or she (I can’t remember who it was) got corrected and treated to a mini-lecture. Now, obviously, I have a disagreement with the professor on this, because clearly there are a lot of things that are both clear and obvious to me:

• Brad Pitt is the hottest man in the galaxy EVAH. Trust.
• My dog understands every word I say.
• Jokes told in the quiet section of the law library inherently carry a funny quotient of x100.
• Cats and dogs are irresistibly drawn to sit upon open casebooks.

I could go on; the list is lengthy. But I digress.

The point I’m trying to make is that the law school experience wouldn’t be authentic if there weren’t a high degree of uncertainty involved. Someday you’re going to go up in front of a judge and you’re not going to know beforehand that he hates some specific words and here’s how it’s gonna go down:

YOU: Your Honor, I object! This is clearly speculation and whatnot.

JUDGE: Overruled. Counselor, please refrain from using the word “whatnot” in my courtroom.

YOU: Apologies, Your Honor. Obviously, I was unaware of your disdain for that word, etc.

JUDGE: Counselor, you would do well to never utter the word “etcetera” in my courtroom again.

YOU: Your Honor, would it be possible for me to get my hands on some sort of list of words that are disfavored in this courtroom?

JUDGE: COUNSELOR I’M HOLDING YOU IN CONTEMPT.

YOU: But, sir! Would you please just make a ruling on the law? I’m correct on the law.

JUDGE: [hammering wildly] BAILIFF!!

See? That could so totally happen in real life. This is what law school is preparing you for. Prepare to be unprepared.

Seems like the only class with anything exciting going on any more is CivPro. Take this last week, for instance. We only had three days of CivPro because the professor was out of town, but it culminated in a real, live Battle of the Big Talkers. It was like THE CLASH OF THE TITANS!!!

Somehow our discussion about personal jurisdiction devolved into… polluted drinking water? You can’t possibly know just how epic it was unless you were there.

Sidebar: Is it weird that I remember this movie, while most of you probably weren’t even born when it came out in 1981? [cue midlife crisis]

So I’m thinking I’d better start outlining soon, right? I’ve read lots of advice posts all around these tangled intertubez, and I think I’m about ready to get started. Especially since I did absolutely nothing productive this whole weekend. Well, by productive I guess I mean law-school-related. I was, in fact, exceedingly productive at Talbot’s and Dillard’s.

If you’re thinking about outlining, or maybe you’ve already started but you’re not sure if you’re doing it quite right, check out some of these links. Also, if you have any other questions or advice to offer re outlining (or a helpful link that I missed — apologies), please stick them in the comments.

• Outlining 101 — Thanks, But No Thanks
• Intro to Outlining — Fearfully Optimistic
• When to Outline — The Shark, courtesy of Dennis Jansen
• Perils & Pitfalls of the Outline part 1 and part 1.5 — older but still relevant posts from Law School Survivor
• general law school advice (including outlining) here, here, and here.

Finally, if you’ve had it up to here with the über-anal Bluebook citation rules, you’ll appreciate this Courtoon.