Well, actually, I did. When I wrote this post about Senator Arlen Specter’s decision to change his party affiliation, I made an obtuse reference (in the title) to the reality show “Survivor.” I actually started writing the post as a full-blown analogy to Survivor, but it just wasn’t working for me so I reworked it.
Anyway, the DNC is obviously reading my blog (isn’t everybody?), because they took my idea*, tweaked it, and made it into a commercial.
* I’m not quite delusional enough to really believe this, but wouldn’t it be cool if it were true?
In Republican Valley, there’s a whole lot of jockeying going on in an effort to gain control over the party in time for the midterm elections of 2010 and then the presidential election in 2012. Currently Jeb Bush, Mitt Romney, and Eric Cantor are on a “listening tour” (which, oddly enough, consists mostly of talking). On Sunday, the Washington Times ran a piece in which Jeb Bush asserted that Republicans basically need to lose the nostalgia and stop searching for the next Ronald Reagan and instead be forward-looking, focusing on the future. This advice led Rush Limbaugh to surmise (scroll to bottom of transcript) that Jeb was actually talking about Sarah Palin and not Ronald Reagan, and thus he was compelled to defend her, calling her “the most prominent, articulate voice for standard run-of-the-mill good old-fashioned American conservatism” [lack of proper punctuation in original].
*sound of brakes slamming*
Did he just say “articulate,” as in “expressing oneself easily in clear and effective language?” Perhaps El Rushbo hasn’t seen this version of Sarah Palin’s Greatest Hits:
Now, if this is the Republicans’ most articulate voice, methinks they’ve got a bit of trouble on the horizon. There’s no doubt Sarah Palin has some raw political talent and charisma, as evidenced by her speech at the Republican National Convention (watch it here), but she seriously needs to spend the next 3 years with her head in a book before she comes back out onto the national stage.
Here’s something that really, really bugs me. Despite the fact that anyone with email presumably also has the interwebz at their disposal, there are still tons of emails that get circulated that are just plain false and misleading. They are designed to scare people into thinking something terrible is about to happen/has already happened and the recipient of the email is supposed to be outraged and then forward said email to all of his/her friends. Then those friends get outraged, etc., until everybody is plenty mad about something that isn’t going to/didn’t happen. What a complete waste of energy and time.
To demonstrate this, have a gander at the email that was forwarded to me today (copied verbatim, with emphasis in original):
My favorite political science professor makes it a practice to ask the same question of his classes at the beginning of each semester.
“What is the main purpose or goal of a politician?”
A whole bunch of students would then raise their hands with answers like “making a change” or “enacting meaningful legislation” or — strangely enough — “representing the people who elected you.”
This professor would politely listen to all the naive, incorrect responses until all the students gave up, and then he would give them the correct answer.
“The only goal of a politician is winning.”
I took two classes from this professor, so of course I wasn’t surprised when Senator Arlen Specter announced that he was officially leaving the Republican Party to join the Democratic Party. I say “officially” because anybody who knows anything about this guy’s voting record hasn’t considered him to be the posterboy for Republicans in… well, ever.
What’s refreshing and amusing to me is that nobody is really trying to hide the true nature of this switch. It’s about winning, folks, and everybody knows it, and now it’s not even a secret anymore! Specter saw the writing on the wall, which told him that he was bound to lose the Republican primary in Pennsylvania in 2010. That’s it. Of course, there’s the obligatory castigation of the right-wing extremists who’ve taken over the party and… and… provided a bunch of new entitlement programs, voted to bail out a bunch of banks, and made a bigger disaster of our education system and our foreign policy. Did I say right-wing extremists? Well, whatever.
Other Republicans, though, are doing a great job of feigning their utter disgust at this treacherous, traiterous, nakedly political ploy by the senator. How dare this politician play politics, of all things!! In truth, this doesn’t change that much as far as votes go. Specter was never a reliable Republican vote, and I’m guessing he won’t be a very reliable Democratic vote, either.
Did you know that there was a swine flu outbreak in the 1970s? The government panicked and a massive vaccination program was launched. Here is a taste of the government propaganda that was disseminated at that time in order to frighten everyone into getting the flu vaccine.
Scary, huh? If you saw that in 1976, would you have rushed out to get a shot? Maybe so. The problem is, the pandemic never really got off the ground. In the United States, around 200 people actually got the swine flue and exactly 1 person died from it. The vaccine, on the other hand, was responsible for 25 deaths and is thought to have led to the development of Guillain-Barre syndrome in more than 500 other people. Believe me, peeps, if you have a choice between any sort of animal flu (swine or otherwise) and Guillain-Barre syndrome, choose the flu.
People are dying from the swine flu; this is true. But they’re mostly in Mexico, where they do not have adequate healthcare. Here in the United States, we apparently have plenty of Tamiflu and Relenza stocked up, and it’s just not spreading that quickly here anyway. Of the 45 or50 cases we have here, 28 of them are all from the same prep school in New York. Common sense, people, common sense.
So have you gone and purchased a lifetime supply of facemasks yet?
Apparently, they’re needed. The United States now has 45 confirmed cases of the swine flu. 45!! Well, don’t just stand there — run, don’t walk, to your nearest home improvement store and get an entire box of these things.
Okay, I’m kidding. Wait until we have at least 100 cases in the United States, then panic.
Oh, good grief, I did it again. I’ll be serious now.
The swine flu is an awful lot like the regular flu. The key difference is that the swine flu used to be just a piggy disease, and now it’s obviously being transferred from human to human. The symptoms are just like those of the regular flu — fever, achiness, cough, sore throat, runny nose… you know the drill. Additionally, the people who are at the highest risk of suffering from flu-related complications are the same as for the regular flu — the elderly, children, and those with compromised immune systems. I may be an ignorant idiot (unlikely), but Law School Ninja is NOT recommending widespread panic, looting of face masks, and screaming in the street. Stay calm and wash your hands more frequently.
Here is where you can find some facts about swine flu from the CDC. It’s important to note that you can’t catch the swine flu by eating pork, so feel free to fry up a double serving of bacon. I know I will!
Tonight I watched this poor schmuck Levi Johnston on Larry King. Hey, there was nothing else on, okay? For your reading pleasure, I have compiled my offensive, cynical, and jaded thoughts below.
Levi totally needs to be on either some Prozac or Wellbutrin or something, maybe both. This guy has the flattest affect of anybody I’ve ever seen on TV. Also, I have to roll my eyes when people who have scheduled media interviews then use said media attention to then complain about the constant media attention they receive. Puh-lease.
When asked where he was when John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, Levi says that he was out sheep hunting with his dad. Er, sheep hunting? Sheep? Does that require some special skill? Like 20/100 vision?
According to Sarah Palin, Bristol, the unmarried teenage mom, is busy now with work, school, and, oh yeah, promoting sexual abstinence. Huh? Oh, you mean like how I’m busy with work, school, and promoting alcohol abstinence? I see. Youbetchya.
Levi’s mom wouldn’t even say whether she was innocent of the drug charges she acquired late last year. Is that weird? However, she did say that if any of us have any questions, we can ask her lawyer, Rhett Rex Butler.
Apparently Bristol told Levi that he wasn’t allowed to even talk to his own sister for a while because Bristol didn’t like some of the sister’s friends. According to the sister, Mercede (no, that’s not a misspelling — it doesn’t have an S on the end), some of her friends used to date Levi, and Bristol didn’t much like the thought of her man ever having eyes for anyone else. So, she put the kiebash on communication between Levi and his sister. Here’s the worst part: apparently little Levi did as he was told. Who does that? Pathetic.
Fair warning to you in the lower 48: Levi’s sister wants to be a surgeon in a state other than Alaska.
That’s pretty much it. As you might have guessed, I don’t like the Palins or the Johnstons particularly. This whole debacle is just ridiculous, and it wouldn’t be getting any media attention at all had John McCain chosen someone different (read: worthy) to be his running mate. Having gotten this out of my system, though, now I feel bettah.
My nephew is my favorite toddler in the whole world. He’s 4 and he loves to talk. That works out nicely because I love to listen to him. He’s here visiting for the week and my job is to entertain him during the day. Tough, I know, but somebody has to do it.
So on Monday we went to visit a local park that has the coolest playground ever, complete with towers and scary slides and families of rabbits roaming around. Of course, to get there, we had to travel in the Ninjamobile. Ninja-mo has been a front-seat passenger for some time now, so the back seat has become a handy receptacle for junk mail, empty Diet Dr. Pepper cans, and receipts. Oh, who am I kidding… it’s a godforsaken trashcan. Anyway, Ninja Nephew was none too impressed with my empty can collection. In fact, when I asked him if he wanted to go with me to pick Ninja-mo up from school later that afternoon, he politely declined and informed me that he was “just sick of wooking at all dat twash.”
This morning, I went to pick him up for our day of fun, and on the way to get him I realized that I had forgotten to clean out my car. I did really intend to do this, but it just didn’t work out. You know how that goes. So we get to my car and I put him in the back seat, and I said, “I guess you noticed that I forgot to clean out my car. I’m sorry.”
He looked at me with his little freckled face and said, “Dat’s okay, Aunt [Ninja]. Next time, twy to do bettah.”
The Obama administration has officially shattered the Romanovs’ record for czar appointments. That’s quite an achievement! Not to be outdone, Law School Ninja is happy to announce the opening of several czarish positions, effective immediately:
budget-reconciliation czar: responsible for paying all my bills using his or her own money
landscape-beautification czar: maintain the grounds here at Law School Ninja HQ (note: candidate must be male and must meet certain standards of physical beauty)
fuel-restoration czar: ensure that the official Law School Ninja Vehicle is always filled with gasoline
generosity czar: procure all gifts to be given on behalf of Law School Ninja for birthdays, Christmas, etc.
clean-clothes czar: in charge of all laundry duties, specifically reducing the size of Laundry Mountain
allergen-reduction czar: daily housecleaning at Law School Ninja HQ
Successful applicants will exhibit a desire to serve without monetary compensation. In addition, some sort of tax filing or payment deficiency will be a prerequisite for czar appointment.
Nothing on this blog constitutes legal advice. If you have a legal problem, please consult a licensed attorney. The views expressed here are mine and mine alone, and they do not necessarily represent the views of my school, my employer(s), or my family. They do, however, represent the views of my dog, who has verified that she agrees with every single word I say.
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