Note to stalkers: Kindly close your browser and do not read any further. Nothing to see here. Move along.
I’m on an airplane with Ninja Kid, Ninja PawPaw, and about a dozen other preteen and teenage girls and their parents. Oh, and my flask. Ninja Kid’s dance competition/convention is next week in fabulous Myrtle Beach. I know, I know, you’re sad for me. It’s okay. I’ll manage. My life is hard, but I’m used to it.
Okay, enough gloating. Maybe.
Further note to stalkers: We had a case in Property where some homeowners rigged up a shotgun to fire at any intruders who might open a certain door or something. The court held that one can’t use deadly force in the defense of property, but I don’t care. I have that exact mechanism up and running at my house right now. You don’t want to find that out the hard way, trust me.
Actually, it’s not all a bowl of cherries. For starters, we’re headed into humidity. You guys have no idea how much I hate humidity. And sweating. I hate hate HATE sweating. I’m afraid I’m going to be doing a lot of sweating. So there’s that.
However! I’ve got one word for ya: BEACH.
The worst part is having to leave Ninja Dog at the pet hotel while we’re gone. You guys have no idea how much I love Ninja Dog. Luckily, Ninja Dog loves loves LOVES the pet hotel. In fact, we have to spell its name now (T-I-P-T-O-N) rather than saying it or else she goes bonkers with excitement. Not even kidding. But I’ll still miss her terribly.
Final note to stalkers: I also have five huge, angry, protective crocodiles in my home who eat human fingers for snacks. Trust me, you don’t want to find that out the hard way, either. Just stay away.
Anyway, I don’t know how much time I’ll have for blogging while I’m gone, but maybe I can get a few short posts in. The actual convention starts Tuesday, so we’ll have a couple of fun beach days before that starts, and Ninja Kid competes on both Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I KNOW you all will be refreshing this page incessantly on those nights to see whether or not we win.
Keep your fingers crossed!
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Good luck to Ninja Kid! While it may be illegal to use deadly force to protect one’s property, I don’t think there’s any law against having two shotguns rigged to shoot any stalkers in each leg at the same time.
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I hope the crocodiles don’t accidentally trigger the crossbow. That would be sad. Unless you turned the croc skin into fabulous shoes and purses a la Romancing the Stone. Then it would not be sad anymore at all.
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Rest up! Enjoy the Beach. You deserve the relaxation.
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Don’t you just love plane rides with us kids(: Had such a great time with y’all in Myrtle beach(: Thank you so much for all the support you invest in us! I love you sooooooooooooo much. Hope we see y’all again here soon(: Love ya
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