I have lots of pet peeves. Truckloads of them. Some of them are reasonable, some of them aren’t, although I’m fairly well attached to all of them. My newest one is this oh-so-typical conversation, which I’ve had approximately 8342 times already since the semester’s been over:

EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: So, how’s law school?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you like it, though?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Well, how were finals? Do you think you did well?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: When will you get your grades back?
ME: Um, I don’t know.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you know what kind of law you want to practice?
ME: Whichever kind somebody will pay me to do, I suppose.

Okay, so maybe it’s a little unfair to label this as a pet peeve. It’s not every person in the world’s fault that I’ve grown weary of answering (or not answering, to be more accurate) these questions. The thing is, there’s really no way to properly answer them. Either you lie…

EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: So, how’s law school?
LIAR ME: It’s fantastic! I love it so much I get up every morning at 5:30 just bursting with pride and joy. I even sleep with my casebooks!
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you like it, though?
LIAR ME: See above. Also, if I could just win the lottery, I’d choose to be a law student fo-evah.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Well, how were finals? Do you think you did well?
LIAR ME: Oh, finals were so much fun! Like seriously, I studied all throughout the semester and I took copious, relevant notes during classtime, plus I developed the most kickass outlines of all time. So, yes, I think I did really well. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna ace this thing. It was so awesome to get to put all my good knowledge to work!
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: When will you get your grades back?
LIAR ME: Well, actually, my professors have already graded all my exams and emailed the results to me privately. But shhh! I’m not supposed to tell anybody because everyone else is waiting impatiently for their grades. I got all A++++++’s!
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you know what kind of law you want to practice?
LIAR ME: Oh, definitely. I mean, I’m not really in it for the money. I just want to help people. That’s what it’s all about. So probably I’ll just concentrate on pro bono work for the homeless midget population.

… or you sound like a whiny emo whiner.

EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: So, how’s law school?
WHINY EMO ME: Oh. My. Gawd. It’s so so horrible. I hate its guts. Every morning I wake up and I wish I had the swine flu so I didn’t have to go to class. I can’t even find my casebooks.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you like it, though?
WHINY EMO ME: Are you kidding me? Let me try to think of something remotely similar in terms of brutal torture and sheer horror… Well, I got nothin. It takes too much energy and law school has consumed all my energy.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Well, how were finals? Do you think you did well?
WHINY EMO ME: Well? By “well” do you mean something better than the lowest grade in the class? Because I think *maybe* there’s one person who could’ve scored lower than I did, and that’s because he just didn’t show up for exams at all. Exams were horrible. Four hours in a cold room with a computer screen and an empty brain. I bombed. I’m flunking out of law school.
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: When will you get your grades back?
WHINY EMO ME: Never, I hope. I’ve heard they send grades out in descending order, so every day that goes by without grades is just another nail in my job-finding coffin. *deep sigh*
EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD: Do you know what kind of law you want to practice?
WHINY EMO ME: I’m not even so sure I want to practice law. Assuming that I flunk out of law school this semester, I’m just gonna find some menial job in some boring cubicle somewhere and shuffle papers. Or perhaps a career in retail sales at the mall.

You see, neither of those approaches is really a winner. So I just stick with the standard, “Um, I don’t know.” Eventually they stop asking questions. Anyway, it’s kinda pointless to try to talk about law school with people who have never been to/aren’t currently in law school. It’s just impossible to understand.

So, people-of-the-world-who-aren’t-in-law-school-currently-and-have-never-been, a word of friendly advice: If you start asking your local law student friend/relative/acquaintance questions about law school and you start getting a lot of this look…

… save your local law student the trouble of having to try to figure out the appropriate answers to those questions. I have all the answers right here. And my fellow law students, feel free to refer your friendly inquiring relatives/friends/acquaintances here for the answers they seek. They mean well, so don’t be rude.

• Law school is law school. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it sucks. It’s just varying degrees of suckage. I don’t know that it’s ever particularly pleasant, except on those days when certain people get what’s coming to them. Those days are satisfying.
• Obviously I like law school to some degree; I haven’t dropped out yet. If I hated its guts for real, I wouldn’t waste my time. “Like” is probably not the best choice of words, but I’ll say this: It’s definitely challenging, and I like challenges. Sometimes it’s interesting and sometimes it’s not, but overall the experience has been more positive than negative.
• Exams are hard. Some are harder than others, but they’re all hard. I have no idea how I did. And really, how well I think I may have done on the exams is completely irrelevant. It’s all up to the professor and the other students in my section. So, no, I have no clue, and in fact I’d kinda like to maintain my blockade of those thoughts.
• Grades will come out sometime within the next several weeks. I don’t know when that will be. I refuse to sit at my laptop hitting the F12 button every few minutes in anticipation, although the urge to do that is sometimes very strong. Please, please don’t remind me that I haven’t checked for grades in a few hours.
• Honestly, I don’t have any idea what kind of law I want to practice. After one whole semester in law school, I can say with full confidence that I don’t want to draft contracts for a living. Although I will do just that, if it’s the best job I can find.

Now can we go ahead and eat dinner?