Faster than you can say “hideous monstrous rabbit squishing a young girl,” we’re halfway through our fall 1L semester. Can you believe it?

No, that’s not Ninja Kid. I have no idea who this poor little girl is BUT GOOD GOD LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT RABBIT!

Anyway.

I forgot previously to write about the Negotiations competition. The competition was actually two weeks ago. So I partnered with another girl in my section and we signed up for the Negotiations competition. Nobody really knew what was going on or what to expect, so we were all on a pretty level playing field. There were 74 teams competing overall and three preliminary rounds to be held before any scores were tallied. Once we got our problems, my partner and I got together and worked out where our firm limits were, areas where we had some wiggle room, and our initial offers.

So maybe we weren’t the best negotiators evah. Okay, maybe we weren’t even in the top 16 best negotiators evah. Or even in the top 16 best negotiators in the 1L class at Ninja School of Law.  But still, I’m glad I participated. Obviously it was a great learning experience. Like I said, I certainly had very little understanding of how the process would work, and after going through it three times I think I’d be much more comfortable with it in the future. It was tons of fun to play lawyer for a little while and represent a client’s interests. I was surprised at how un-nervous I was before our first round, and by the time our third round came along I was downright relaxed.

For the preliminary rounds we were judged by 3L students. The judging was pretty inconsistent. One judge would tell us not to do a certain thing, and the next judge would count off for not having done that same certain thing. For example, we were on a 40-minute time limit as far as the actual negotiations at the table. In each of our first two rounds, we finished early and each judge told us it was no big deal. For our third round, however, we finished early and got chastised for it. I happen to know one team got criticized for sitting next to each other rather than across from each other during self-analysis with the judge.

I heard quite a few of my classmates complaining about this and I must admit I did my fair share of griping, too. It’s frustrating not to know what is expected of you and then to get corrected on it.

And then, whilst in the midst of a deep conversation with my good friend Billy, I had a minor epiphany.

I mean, this is how it’s gonna be. In real life. Doing the lawyering thing. There are going to be times — in fact, probably lots of them, especially as newbie lawyers — when we aren’t sure exactly what’s expected of us, or exactly where certain lines are drawn, and yet we will still be expected to perform to the best of our abilities.

Actually, all of law school is kindof like this. For example, Prof. CivPro hates it when someone uses the words “clearly” or “obviously” because, her thinking goes, things are rarely clear or obvious. The first time a student used one or both of those words in CivPro, he or she (I can’t remember who it was) got corrected and treated to a mini-lecture. Now, obviously, I have a disagreement with the professor on this, because clearly there are a lot of things that are both clear and obvious to me:

• Brad Pitt is the hottest man in the galaxy EVAH. Trust.
• My dog understands every word I say.
• Jokes told in the quiet section of the law library inherently carry a funny quotient of x100.
• Cats and dogs are irresistibly drawn to sit upon open casebooks.

I could go on; the list is lengthy. But I digress.

The point I’m trying to make is that the law school experience wouldn’t be authentic if there weren’t a high degree of uncertainty involved. Someday you’re going to go up in front of a judge and you’re not going to know beforehand that he hates some specific words and here’s how it’s gonna go down:

YOU: Your Honor, I object! This is clearly speculation and whatnot.

JUDGE: Overruled. Counselor, please refrain from using the word “whatnot” in my courtroom.

YOU: Apologies, Your Honor. Obviously, I was unaware of your disdain for that word, etc.

JUDGE: Counselor, you would do well to never utter the word “etcetera” in my courtroom again.

YOU: Your Honor, would it be possible for me to get my hands on some sort of list of words that are disfavored in this courtroom?

JUDGE: COUNSELOR I’M HOLDING YOU IN CONTEMPT.

YOU: But, sir! Would you please just make a ruling on the law? I’m correct on the law.

JUDGE: [hammering wildly] BAILIFF!!

See? That could so totally happen in real life. This is what law school is preparing you for. Prepare to be unprepared.