orientation: one day down, one to go
Today was my first full day of law school orientation at Ninja School of Law. Predictably enough, it featured lectures, food, more lectures, papers, questions and answers, and me trying desperately to stay awake in the very back row. Here are some things I learned today. Whether or not I came away with the right message, I’m just not sure.
- We are not in undergrad anymore, Toto.
- Law school will make one drink excessively and/or use medications in ways other than those for which they are prescribed. This is normal.
- In law school, a C is a good grade. Not passing or acceptable, but good.
- We are lawyers starting today. So the whole education and the barzam, those are just formalities? So confused.
- If one finds oneself too intoxicated to drive between the hours of 10 p.m. and 4 a.m., one need only call this number and flash one’s student ID in order to get a free taxi ride home. Handy!
- Law school professors love training people to be lawyers because lawyers are the guardians of this great democracy.
- Brief every single case as though it were your last, else you might not get that C.
- Law school may make one feel the need to off oneself. If this need arises, please call this number for immediate assistance. If one suspects one’s fellow classmate of wanting to off oneself, please also call this same number. A trained professional will be right with you.
- No matter the temptation, DO NOT USE CANNED BRIEFS. This point cannot be stressed too many times.
- For your viewing pleasure, some scenes from “The Paper Chase” and “To Kill a Mockingbird.”
- One must resist the urge to keep foodstuffs in one’s carrel. According to the student handbook, this will “make the vermin problem worse” (emphasis mine). OMG. The law library has a vermin problem. O.M.G.
Can’t wait for tomorrow’s lessons!
Cheers! Bookmarked. I start orientation Monday
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You get free drunken taxi rides?! I want to transfer to your school.
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Welcome to law school!
That part about canned briefs is true, except when it’s not. Like when you’re coming to the end of the semester and all your professors are rushing to get through their syllabus before the final and you don’t have time to read every single case because your kid was throwing up last night and there’s four other classes to read for. Then, you can used canned briefs. Or at least, I did.
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Yay for surviving Day 1! Actually, it’s not really Day 1, it’s Day Negative-However-Many-Days-Until-Real-School-Starts but, either way, woo!
Also, it’s really sad and slightly ridiculous, but the percentage of lawyers/law students with substance abuse problems, depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts is shockingly high. Having one year behind me, I understand, on some level, why. It still worries me though. I know a few people who I can see going in that direction in a couple years. Sad.
Hope you learn more fun things tomorrow
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master ninja Reply:
August 20th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Yeah, I do realize that substance abuse and/or depression and/or suicide are all big problems, and I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t appreciate that. But good grief! They spent SO much time and effort on this stuff, over and over and over again, morning and afternoon, day after day, to the point where some of us were forced to joke about it in order to keep our precious sanity. It seriously bordered on ridiculous. I hope I didn’t sound too terribly insensitive. You know me — I’m just a big softie underneath all this snark!
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