I have a confession: I don’t like midgets. I know, it’s an insensitive thing to say. But I’ve stayed cloaked behind my tolerance mask for too long now, and the pressure’s starting to get to me. And I know I’m not alone. There are others of you out there, some even in my own family. Legend has it that a particularly wealthy set of parents in my extended family disinherited their son at one point because he wanted to marry a girl who had a midget in her family. True story! So, if you’re offended by my distaste for the little people, please bear in mind that it’s probably genetic and therefore beyond my control.

Besides, they want to take over the world!!! (hat tip: @rightwingnews)