Last weekend, my good friend F.C., Mini-Me, and I went to see the movie Knowing with Nicholas Cage. I’m a fan of Nic Cage in general, with Leaving Las Vegas ranking in my top ten favorite movies of all time. We also enjoyed National Treasure and its sequel. With that said, however, Knowing was a big disappointment.

The basic story is this: Fifty years ago, an elementary school class draws pictures of what they think the future will look like and then they bury them in a time capsule to be opened fifty years later. There’s one spooky girl who doesn’t draw a picture but instead writes out a page full of seemingly random numbers. Flash forward to the present day, when John Koestler’s son is in the class that gets to open the time capsule, and every student is given an envelope containing a picture drawn by the original class. Everyone except this kid, that is, who is the unlucky recipient of the numbers sheet. Oh, also, this little boy is generally misunderstood and unhappy because his mom recently died and his dad is an emotionally unavailable alcoholic wallowing in his own misery. Anyway, in the throes of a drunken revelation, Koestler figures out that these numbers aren’t random at all but actually predictions of disasters. Hey, look at that! According to these numbers, the next disaster will be… tomorrow!?!? Yep, turns out Koestler’s hunch was correct. So, like any normal alcoholic/widower/single dad/MIT professor/atheist, he sets out to solve the mystery. Oh, did I mention he’s an atheist? He is, and it just so happens that his father is a minister of some sort. Needless to say, they are estranged, but thankfully Koestler has a sister whose sole mission is to look concerned while hugging her brother and trying to get him to reunite with their father. In the meantime, these weird Matrix-looking wannabes keep stalking Koestler’s son and whispering to him (through his hearing aid?). Along the way, he tracks down the original spooky girl’s daughter and granddaughter, who reluctantly join him on his quest to solve the mystery. And, of course, they do solve the mystery. And it’s sooooo lame. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but I will say that I previously thought M. Night Shyamalan was the master of the stupid ending. No longer.

Nic Cage does a decent job as Koestler in this movie, even though it seems like all he does anymore is these follow-the-clues movies. Rose Byrne, who plays the spooky girl’s daughter, Diana, does one of the crappiest acting jobs I’ve seen in a while. I liked her okay in Troy, but come on. She’s just not able to pretend to be scared very well. Koestler’s son, Caleb, is played by a cute little boy who really needs to work on his scared face, too. The spooky girl’s granddaughter is adorable, especially when she’s cuddling with white bunnies.

All in all, the movie was scarier than I thought it would be. I got worried at times that Mini-Me might want to start sleeping in my bed again, but luckily she considers herself to be way too old for that kind of behavior. The language isn’t too bad and there’s absolutely no sex, so it’s rated PG-13 solely for the scary factor and some violence. I’d say it’s worth renting if you’re a fan of Nicholas Cage, but otherwise save your money.

Oh, and one last little mini-rant. Why does every new movie preview have to have a quick flash of two girls about to kiss? I’m very particular about what sort of sexual content Mini-Me is exposed to (pardon the pun) and I allowed her to see this PG-13 movie specifically because there wasn’t supposed to be any sex involved. And there wasn’t any in the actual movie. But two of the movies previewed had some pretty racy scenes, including brief flashes of two girls obviously getting ready to kiss. In the previews. What up wit dat?