Watch the Messiah in action as he works his magic on this poor college student.

I’m not really even sure where to begin here. Aside from the fact that this guy is a total spaz, he clearly feels entitled to some sort of benefits simply because he’s managed continuous employment for 4-1/2 years. Wow. Why does he feel this way? Maybe because he’s been promised the moon by politicians, but he wonders why nobody’s rung his doorbell yet with a monetary gift — or at least a box of candy! — from the government. So he’s frustrated, he’s stuck at McDonalds for 4-1/2 years because he “can’t find” another job, and he wants the President to give him something. Personal responsibility? Never heard of it. Besides, personal responsibility is overrated. Just look at all the people who’ve been responsible enough to earn more than $200,000 a year (or is it $150,000 now?): they won’t get any tax cuts now, because they’re “rich” and therefore inherently evil. Our schizophrenic system is set up to punish those who do well and reward those who don’t. Yet, without the ones who do well, there would be no government revenue in the form of taxes with which to reward the others.

So what is President Obama’s dignified response to this very undignified question? Sure, McDonald’s guy! You want some benefits, you got ‘em. Here’s one: tax cuts. But wait, Mr. President, does McDonald’s guy even pay any taxes for you to cut? Eh, probably not income tax, but he does have to pay that dastardly little payroll tax, so let’s give him a check. With any luck, he’ll take that money straight to the Obama T-shirt store and buy another couple of shirts to get this economy moving again.

You want more benefits, McDonald’s guy? Okay, how about some free education? Everybody knows that the right to an education is in the Bill of Rights. But wait, Mr. President, do you really think that McDonald’s guy is paying for his own tuition himself right now? It’s likely that he’s already receiving government aid for his education expenses in the form of Pell grants and/or Stafford loans, which is fine. So let’s give him some more cash in the form of tax credits — whether or not he actually pays any taxes. Why? Just because we can. Yes, we can.

You mean you’re still not satisfied, McDonald’s guy? You need more benefits? No problem. After all, you have held a job now for 4-1/2 years. Would you like some free healthcare? Your evil and greedy employer isn’t providing it for you? Now that’s just un-American. The right to healthcare is in the Bill of Rights! But wait, Mr. President, who’s going to pay for this healthcare to which McDonald’s guy is now entitled? Well, we’ll start with those evil, greedy business owners who aren’t currently giving healthcare to their employees simply because they want to maintain a profit. Then, if that doesn’t work, we can always tap the evil, greedy, rich people in the form of taxes. Don’t worry, McDonald’s guy, someone will be coming to fill up your gas tank soon. This is change we can believe in.

The government isn’t really interested in bettering the lives of people, but it’s definitely keen on the idea of making people dependent upon it for survival. The more people who rely on the government for such things as education, healthcare, and cash, the bigger the government has to grow in order to keep up. The end result is that everybody has to be brought down to the lowest common denominator, which is backward. People should focus more on improving their own lot than on trying to punish success to the benefit of the unsuccessful.